Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires love, trust, respect, and compatibility. However, sometimes we may realize that the person we married is not the right one for us, and that our relationship is causing us more pain than happiness. How can we tell if we married the wrong person? Here are some signs to look out for:

Sign #1: You have nothing in common

One of the signs that you married the wrong person is that you have nothing in common with them. You don’t share the same interests, hobbies, values, goals, or dreams. You don’t enjoy spending time together, and you find it hard to have meaningful conversations. You may feel bored, lonely, or frustrated in your marriage.

Having some differences is normal and healthy in a relationship, as long as you respect and appreciate each other’s uniqueness. However, if you have nothing in common with your spouse, you may feel like you are living with a stranger, and that you have no connection or intimacy.

Sign #2: You argue a lot

Another sign that you married the wrong person is that you argue a lot. You may have frequent conflicts over big or small issues, and you may not be able to resolve them peacefully. You may resort to yelling, name-calling, blaming, or stonewalling. You may feel angry, hurt, or resentful towards your spouse.

Arguing is inevitable in any relationship, but it should not be the norm. Healthy couples know how to communicate effectively, listen empathetically, and compromise respectfully. They also know how to apologize and forgive when they make mistakes. If you argue a lot with your spouse, and you don’t feel heard, understood, or valued, you may be married to the wrong person.

Sign #3: You fantasize about being with someone else

A third sign that you married the wrong person is that you fantasize about being with someone else. You may have a crush on someone else, or you may imagine how your life would be different if you married someone else. You may feel dissatisfied, unhappy, or trapped in your marriage.

Fantasizing about being with someone else is a sign that you are not fully committed to your spouse, and that you are not fulfilled in your relationship. It may also indicate that you are looking for an escape from your marital problems, instead of facing them and working on them. If you fantasize about being with someone else, you may be married to the wrong person.

Sign #4: You don’t trust or respect each other

Trust and respect are essential for any healthy relationship, especially marriage. If you don’t trust or respect your spouse, you may feel insecure, suspicious, or contemptuous in your marriage. You may lie, cheat, or hide things from your spouse, or you may accuse them of doing the same. You may also disrespect your spouse by criticizing, insulting, or belittling them.

Trust and respect are the foundation of love, and without them, your marriage will crumble. If you don’t trust or respect your spouse, you may be married to the wrong person.

Sign #5: You have different expectations and boundaries

Another sign that you married the wrong person is that you have different expectations and boundaries in your marriage. You may have different views on how to spend money, raise children, handle chores, or deal with family and friends. You may also have different boundaries on what is acceptable or unacceptable in your relationship, such as flirting, privacy, or communication.

Having different expectations and boundaries can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and resentment in your marriage. You may feel that your spouse is not meeting your needs, or that they are crossing your limits. You may also feel that your spouse is trying to change you, or that you are compromising too much.

Sign #6: You are not attracted to each other

Physical attraction is not the most important thing in a marriage, but it is still important. If you are not attracted to your spouse, you may feel dissatisfied, bored, or repulsed by them. You may also lose interest in sex, or seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

Lack of attraction can affect your emotional and physical intimacy, and make you feel distant from your spouse. It can also affect your self-esteem, and make you feel unloved or unwanted. If you are not attracted to your spouse, you may be married to the wrong person.

Sign #7: You don’t support each other’s growth

A good marriage is one where both partners support each other’s growth and happiness. If you don’t support your spouse’s growth, you may be married to the wrong person. You may discourage, sabotage, or criticize your spouse’s dreams, goals, or passions. You may also feel threatened, jealous, or insecure by your spouse’s achievements, or you may try to hold them back.

Not supporting your spouse’s growth can make them feel stifled, unhappy, or resentful. It can also prevent you from growing as a couple, and from reaching your full potential.

Sign #8: You don’t have fun together

Having fun together is one of the joys of marriage. If you don’t have fun with your spouse, you may be married to the wrong person. You may have lost your sense of humor, adventure, or spontaneity. You may also have stopped doing the things that you used to enjoy together, or that brought you closer. You may feel that your marriage is dull, boring, or routine.

Not having fun with your spouse can make you feel disconnected, unhappy, or restless. It can also make you miss out on the positive aspects of your relationship, and on the opportunities to create memories and bond.

Sign #9: You don’t share the same vision for the future

Another sign that you married the wrong person is that you don’t share the same vision for the future. You may have different plans, hopes, or desires for your marriage, such as where to live, how many children to have, or how to spend your retirement. You may also have different values, beliefs, or priorities that affect your decisions and actions.

Not sharing the same vision for the future can cause conflicts, confusion, or disappointment in your marriage. You may feel that your spouse is not on the same page as you, or that they are pulling you in a different direction. You may also feel that your marriage is not fulfilling your needs, or that you are missing out on something.

Sign #10: You are happier without them

The most obvious sign that you married the wrong person is that you are happier without them. You may feel more relaxed, free, or alive when you are away from your spouse, or when you are with someone else. You may also dread going home, or spending time with your spouse. You may feel that your spouse is a burden, a source of stress, or a negative influence on your life.

Being happier without your spouse is a clear indication that your marriage is not working, and that you are not compatible with your spouse. It may also mean that you have fallen out of love, or that you have found someone else who makes you happy.

Sign #11: You feel like giving up on your relationship

One of the signs that you married the wrong person is that you feel like giving up on your relationship. You may have lost hope, motivation, or interest in saving your marriage. You may also feel exhausted, drained, or overwhelmed by the problems in your relationship. You may think that your marriage is beyond repair, or that you are better off alone.

Feeling like giving up on your relationship is a sign that you have reached a breaking point, and that you are not willing or able to work on your marriage. It may also mean that you have fallen out of love, or that you have found someone else who makes you happy.

Sign #12: You get defensive when your spouse tries to communicate with you

Another sign that you married the wrong person is that you get defensive when your spouse tries to communicate with you. You may perceive your spouse’s words or actions as attacks, criticisms, or accusations. You may also react by denying, justifying, or counterattacking your spouse. You may not listen to your spouse’s feelings, needs, or concerns.

Getting defensive when your spouse tries to communicate with you is a sign that you are not open, honest, or respectful in your relationship. It may also indicate that you have unresolved issues, insecurities, or guilt that you are projecting onto your spouse. It may also prevent you from resolving your conflicts, and from understanding your spouse.

Sign #13: You feel insecure in your relationship

Another sign that you married the wrong person is that you feel insecure in your relationship. You may doubt your spouse’s love, loyalty, or honesty. You may also fear losing your spouse, or being replaced by someone else. You may constantly seek reassurance, validation, or attention from your spouse. You may also try to control, manipulate, or monitor your spouse.

Feeling insecure in your relationship is a sign that you lack trust, confidence, or self-esteem in your marriage. It may also mean that your spouse is not meeting your emotional needs, or that they are giving you reasons to doubt them. It may also affect your happiness, peace, or freedom in your relationship.

Sign #14: You feel unheard or ignored by your spouse

Another sign that you married the wrong person is that you feel unheard or ignored by your spouse. You may feel that your spouse does not listen to you, or care about what you have to say. You may also feel that your spouse does not pay attention to you, or notice your feelings, needs, or desires. You may feel that your spouse takes you for granted, or neglects you.

Feeling unheard or ignored by your spouse is a sign that you lack communication, connection, or intimacy in your marriage. It may also indicate that your spouse is not interested, invested, or involved in your relationship. It may also make you feel lonely, unimportant, or invisible in your marriage.

Sign #15: You feel contempt for your spouse

The last sign that you married the wrong person is that you feel contempt for your spouse. You may feel superior, disgusted, or hateful towards your spouse. You may also show your contempt by mocking, ridiculing, or insulting your spouse. You may also roll your eyes, sneer, or sigh at your spouse. You may feel that your spouse is beneath you, or unworthy of you.

Feeling contempt for your spouse is a sign that you have lost respect, admiration, or affection for your spouse. It may also mean that you have built up resentment, bitterness, or anger towards your spouse. It may also be the most destructive and toxic emotion in a relationship, and the strongest predictor of divorce.

What to do if you married the wrong person?

If you think that you married the wrong person, you may feel hopeless, guilty, or scared. You may wonder if you can fix your marriage, or if you should end it. There is no easy answer to this question, as every situation is different. However, here are some steps that you can take to help you decide what to do:

• Be honest with yourself and your spouse. Acknowledge the problems in your marriage, and how they affect you and your spouse. Don’t deny, minimize, or rationalize them. Be clear about what you want and need from your relationship, and what you are willing and not willing to accept.
• Seek professional help. If you want to save your marriage, you may benefit from seeking professional help from a marriage counselor or therapist. A professional can help you and your spouse understand the root causes of your issues, and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication, trust, and intimacy. A professional can also help you and your spouse decide if your marriage is worth saving, or if it is better to part ways.
• Explore your options. If you decide that your marriage is not working, and that you want to end it, you may need to explore your options for divorce. You may need to consult a lawyer, a financial planner, or a mediator to help you with the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of divorce. You may also need to consider how divorce will affect your children, if you have any, and how you can support them through this process.
• Take care of yourself. Whether you decide to stay or leave, you need to take care of yourself. You may be going through a lot of stress, pain, and confusion, and you need to cope with them in healthy ways. You may need to seek support from your friends, family, or a support group. You may also need to engage in activities that make you happy, such as hobbies, exercise, or meditation. You may also need to seek individual therapy or counseling to help you heal and grow from this experience.

Marriage is a serious decision that should not be taken lightly. However, sometimes we may realize that we married the wrong person, and that our relationship is not what we hoped for. If you think that you married the wrong person, you need to be honest with yourself and your spouse, seek professional help, explore your options, and take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be with the right person.